Archive for the 'Travel Tales from the dark side' Category
Cheers Biggy, I guess you think of me as a real friend. LOL
Actual post: This made me think of you at the loft….
“FAKE FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don’t waste.”" that pretty much sums it up…lol
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Tags: , college, drink, drinking, drunk, friends, humor, loft, roomates, stumbling
As a writer, I feel it’s my duty to live the biggest life possible by experiencing new uncharted waters. It’s no secret that Prostitution is legal in Costa Rica, I heard the Beetle Bar was the most notorious spot to see the action first hand. With no idea what to expect walking through that door; I was both apprehensive and curious. The inside had a classy sports bar feel to it, lots of satellite TVs playing a variety of sports, NFL being the main attraction. There were about 150 guys; mostly Fisherman, Businessman, and Travelers. The catch was the 350 scantily clad Putas roaming around with a predatory look in their eyes. I must admit, the majority of them were very attractive, some were downright gorgeous (Maxim cover girl hot), and of course there was the C line up (C standing for Cheapskate I guess). I wasn’t expecting to see so many of them, nor was I expecting such beauty to be able to be purchased at the price of 100$ an hour. Interestingly, it was a complete roll reversal, the men sat around leisurely chatting, while the women aggressively eyed, pinched, rubbed, and did whatever possible to get the men’s attention. If only real life were this grand, I would have never left Jaco. I got a real kick out of this; one girl after another would come up and touch me while trying to start a conversation. It was a huge ego boost, this coming from someone who has never lacked confidence a day in his life. I must admit, I was having one hell of a time; it was a little surreal; almost a little hard to believe (emphasis on the word Hard).
I needed to find the source, the man behind the curtain. It wasn’t long before I was talking to the owner. He looked every bit the part, greasy, slimly, with constantly running coke inflamed nose. He would have made the perfect character for a Quentin Tarantino movie. He broke down the rules for me as follows: always negotiate the price before you leave, never leave any valuables around the room, never leave them out of your sight at your room, and treat them with a respect. Putas would leave with these men one after another; most of the men were married, and then they would return an hour later to find another willing husband seeking infidelity. Note to Wives: if your husband and his friends are regularly going on fishy trips to Costa Rica each year, be warned this is why most of them go to Jaco. The thought of over 75% of the men proudly wearing their wedding rings with no shame was disgusting. I had no intention of actually leaving with one of the Putas, but it was an interesting experience nonetheless. I left after a couple hours to try my luck at a real bar, semi aroused with a grotesque feel in my stomach. I couldn’t help but feel pity for all the poor wives of these degenerate men who pay for sex on vacation. I never returned to the Beetle Bar again.
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Tags: , beetle bar, costa rica, dirty, hooker, Jaco, legal, married, men, prostitution, Puta
Carmen told me her name was fitting because she likes both Cars and Men; I told her to call me Beer Sex from now on. So let’s get to it, here are some funny jokes, warnings, and bar translations for those who love to drink. First, please rise for the Beer anthem. Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beer holder… “All right, brain, I don’t like you and you don’t like me - so let’s just do this and I’ll get back to killing you with beer”. –Homer Simpson Beer Anthem: Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be Thy drink, Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as I am in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us, And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers, For thine is the beer, The bitter and the lager, Forever and ever, Barmen. “He was a wise man who invented beer”. –Plato “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” –Benjamin Franklin A Few Warnings for Alcoholics: Warning: Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut”. –Ernest Hemmingway Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker, may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your clothes, may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning, may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting, may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose name, and/or species you can’t remember), cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, may lead you to believe that people are laughing with you, “I drink to make other people interesting”. –George Jean Nathan “You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on”. –Dean Martin A few quick Bar Jokes: Two blondes walk into the bar….You’d think one of them would of seen it! Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. “One thing about Jim,” his buddy said to the bartender, “He knows when to stop.” Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar. What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk. “If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose”. –Deep Thought, Jack Handy “An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools”. –For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway BAR ROOM TRANSLATIONS
- “You get this round and the next round is on me.”
(I’ll be leaving before the next round.)
- “Hey, where is that friend of yours?”
(I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.)
- “Can I get a glass of white zinfandel?” (Female)
(I’m easy.)
- “Can I get a glass of white zinfandel?” (male)
(I’m gay.)
- “Ever try a body shot?” (Male to female)
(I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.)
- “Ever try a body shot?” (Female to male)
(If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I’ll do to you on the ride home?)
- “I don’t feel well, let’s go home.” (Female)
(You are paying more attention to your friends than me.)
- I don’t feel well, let’s go home.” (Male)
(I’m horny.)
- “Who’s got the next round?”
(I haven’t bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.)
- “Excuse Me.” (Male to male)
(Get the hell out of the way.)
- “Excuse Me.” (Male to female)
(I am going to grope you now.)
- “Excuse Me.” (Female to male)
(Don’t even think about groping me, just get the hell out of the way.)
- “Excuse Me.” (Female to female)
(Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that, missy, and don’t think for one minute that you are. And get your eyes off of my man, or I’ll slap you like the slut you are.)
- “What do you have on tap?”
(What’s cheap?)
- ”Can I have a white Russian?” (Female)
(I’m *really* easy.)
- “That person looks really familiar.”
(Did I sleep with him/her?)
- I don’t have my ID on me.” (Female)
(I’m 16.)
- “I don’t have my ID on me.” (Male)
(I don’t have a license since I got pulled over and blew a 0.4 after my last visit here)
“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind”.–Humphrey Bogart DRUNK TEST A police officer pulls over this guy who’s been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says, “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.“The man says, “Sorry, officer, I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.”“Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.”
“I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.”“Well, then, we need a urine sample.”
“I’m sorry, officer, I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I’ll get really low blood sugar.”“All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.”
“I can’t do that, officer.”“Why not?”
“Because I’m drunk.” “Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink”. –Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
”Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it”. –His reply “Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me”. –Winston Churchill I found most of these at this website, I think, the memory is pretty blurred. http://www.lifeisajoke.com/alcohol22_html.htm
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Tags: alcohol, Alcoholic, Anthem, bar, beer, drinking, drunk, jokes, quotes, Test, Translations, traveler, warnings
I heard Jaco was unsafe, dangerous, and a non-stop party; translation: my kind of place. Although, I seek all the beautiful enlightened things in life; it’s when I am scared shit-less that I feel most alive. Some people find character on Mountain tops and Ocean floors, others in the dark recesses of the night; very few find it in both. To quote Andre Gide “Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore” The moment I got off the Tico bus, I looked up and saw a huge 420 sign; I guess you can find omens anywhere you look. For the first time in Costa Rica, I actually had a reservation; one laundry room stay was enough for my trip. The main strip was more commercialized then I expected, it had everything you need to feel close to North America, from KFC to Pizza hut, the choices were endless. Referencing my Lonely Planet guide, I booked a room at La Cometa, primarily because the description said it was located in the heart of the city and was one of the original hostels in Jaco; in addition it was owned by a friendly French Canadian. My first night out never ended, I met crazy Louis at the Jungle room, he asked me what I did, “Internet stuff mostly”, and you I replied, “I am the black sheep of the family, I consider myself an entrepreneur of sorts”. Louis had an entourage of party fiends that followed him around like the second coming; he was a great local tour guide and host who made sure everyone found their vibe. From place to place we roamed like kings of the city; no cover, no hassles, no worries. He was jovial and intense at the same time; we shared some common themes when it came to living the Pura Vida life. I pulled the chute when the sun came up, but made plans for another adventure tomorrow. My first night in Jaco was everything I thought it would be: shady, dangerous, and loads of fun.
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Tags: 420, bus, costa rica, dangerous, Jaco, La Cometa, Mecca, party, Pura Vida, surf, tico
“Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl’s clothes off.” RAYMOND CHANDLER.
This was my first New Years away from Canada. Santa Theresa was a brilliant spot to enjoy the party festivities. Ultimately, I have 7 guidelines for New Years: Make a list of impossible resolutions; and of course include the trail over from last year’s list. Hold absolutely nothing back; it’s the last day of the year and you can’t get it back; so listen to your heart and go for it. Make as many new friends as possible; talk to everyone; drink with a complete stranger; just be open and know no limits. Always spend way more money then you planned. A friend once told me: “if you’re not living beyond your means, you’re not living at all.” Besides, it’s the last money you’re going to spend this year; right. Kiss someone special, or random, at the stroke of midnight (it really doesn’t matter which one) Always remember this year, unlike all the rest, is your year to flourish. Last but not least; never, ever, ever ever ever; sleep alone. Everyone wants a night to remember on this day; to start the New Year off on right foot; so start it off with a bang! (Excuse the pun) I won’t delve to long in the blurry details; but I proudly accomplished all 7 this year in Costa Rica. Here is the summary: got shit-faced on Red bull orange juice, got even drunker on rum and Coke, switched to beer when things got intense. I stood to close to the old hippie shooting fireworks and ended up covered in black shit. Stumbled around like the prince of the universe; received accolades and praise from all ten bartenders; pissed on every corner of the beach party. Found a temporary Costa Rican girlfriend for my stay in Santa Theresa. Shared a wonderful, yet sloppy, Red Bull rum and coke midnight kiss; later failed to live up to my true great potential due to high intoxication levels. Finally, while walking home to the sunrise, I smiled a priceless smile…..Upon returning to my cabin, I was forced to sleep on the bench outside while my roommate apparently lived up to his full potential. I think that covers it. Cheers and Pura Vida forever.
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Tags: , alcohol, costa rica, fuzzy, guidelines, kiss, memories, midnight, New Year, party, resolutions, Santa Theresa, travelogue
The devastating combination of tequila, Jager, and Guaro…I’m an insatiable fanatic for life; loving all things good and most things bad. People tell me, time and time again, that I have no limits when it comes to pleasure. My last night in Tamarindo is a true testament to this statement. We decided to start the night off right and hit our favorite restaurant in Tamarindo, Bruno’s, located on a beautiful balcony patio over looking the city. My two new best friends, Jon and Sage, joined me for a wonderful dinner while watching the sunset. In a Zen like manner, I tasted every bite of my Alfredo mushroom pasta; like it was the first bite I have ever eaten. When we returned to the hostel, it was time to round up the team and start the party. Of course, we needed two bottles of Guaro (local moonshine), a sort family tradition at our new home, to get things off on the right foot. For there it gets a little blurry; but I do remember an amazing complement one of my Spanish friends said to me: “I have seen a lot of things in life, but nothing like what I have seen here with you in Tamarindo. You have absolutely No Limits when it comes to a good time: you have partied harder then anyone I have ever seen or known! It has been a true pleasure to meet you.” Everyone made sure to join us, we had a great group come out for our last night to say good-bye. We started the night of at Pase Tiempo, a golden oldies rock bar, and eventually made our way back to Monkey bar. The highlight of the night was last call; I was running a tab, which always leads me to get even more carried away. John and I stood at the bar and decided we needed a shot of both tequila and jager to say good-bye to this very special place. Then the fuzzy realization hit us, “wait a god-damm minute here, who are we kidding, we can’t leave without one more shot of Guaro.” And that was it, any form of sobriety was flushed to the wayside-we proudly became the two drunkest men in Costa Rica that evening. As we stumbled to the after party at Ray Sole, we ate about 10 Chicken skewers each, so many we had to take a break half way and just sit by the side of the road like a couple of belligerent drunks. That is pretty much my last true memory of Tamarindo, sitting by the side of the road laughing and babbling nonsense at our own profound ignorance in a beautiful way-if that is even possible; being incoherent just for the love of it all. I awoke to a wretched hangover and a big smile. After two amazing weeks, it was time to travel forward…
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Tags: , belligerent, combination, devastating, drunk, good time, guaro, jager, last night, Monkey bar, no limits, pleasure, tamarindo, tequila, travel
So here I am in Costa Rica with a gang full of new best friends that I made overnight. There was absolutely no question about whether or not we were going to hit the town each and every night to paint the sky red with laughter and mirth. Amongst the gang, there is always a couple stars that stick out; the Polish Prince was one of the brightest. He had an energy that shouted loudly at the top of his lungs: laugh with me, drink with me, share with me; because I’m here for a good time, for this is the only moment that matters. Monkey bar was one of my favorite drinking holes in Tamarindo. A three level bar with two dances floors, one for salsa and the other for hip-hop, and a sunken middle platform housing a large bamboo themed lounge. Like all Princes, this one wanted the ability to communicate with everyone, so he never left home without his Spanish translation book. We would joke that 15 minutes couldn’t pass without him making some attempt to pick up on a girl. He never refused a drink as he roamed from girl to girl trying his best to womanize everything with a pulse. As he drunkenly thumbed through his translation book; he found his hook, line and sinker. Funny and ridiculous pick up lines that were translated into Spanish. We all had a grand laugh when he shared them with us. From that moment on, it was his only mission to use one of these lines to meet a willing female who wanted some of his polish sausage. The lines were so out-right ridiculous that they made for a great ice breaker that would open the door of possibility. His approach was classic, walking up with a serious look, he tried to say the lines before he showed them the text that would always get a good laugh from his prey. I would later ask him for the exact lines he was using from his book; so that I could share them with you. Actual lines taken from a Spanish translation book:
- Can I kiss you?
Te puedo dar un beso?
- You’re just using me for sex.
Solo estas jugando conmigo.
- You look like someone I know
Me pareces conocido/a
- Pillow talk:
My chicken - Mi pollo/a
My fatty Mi gordo/a
- Will you meet my parents?
Conocerias a mis papas?
- He/She Gets around
El/Ella es un perro/una perra.
- You’re cool, but no thanks.
Me caes muy bien, pero no gracias.
- Don’t worry, I’ll do it myself.
No te preocupes, yo lo hago solo/a.
The last one I found to be the funniest. We went far beyond the call of duty that night and became beligerent spanish pick-up line speaking fools. No women in her right mind wanted to speak with us after the local Guaro ( moonshine) took hold-as we stumbled around the playing field. So when all else failed, the Prince relied on the fail safe for comfort; the Putas. The Putas would dance with any Gringo looking to have a good time; no matter what their condition. So the Prince danced like no one was watching, he danced his ass off with the Putas; and they loved it. He grinded his way into infamy that night, but to the Putas dismay it ended there, he didn’t take them up on their many offer that went like so: “hot sex for money, hot sex for money”. Apperently that was the only english translated pick-up line they knew how to say! Although the night ended without any luck or hot sex for money. It was a grand night that I will never soon forget. Looking back, I made more close friends in my month in Costa Rica then I have from living in Vancouver for two years. P.S. If you still don’t know what a Putas is, you will have to look that one up on your own. Pura Vida Amigo
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Tags: , book, costa rica, dance, fail safe, female, for money, friends, funny, hot sex, infamy, laughter, Monkey bar, pick up lines, polish, prey, prince, putas, Spanish, stories, tamarindo, translation, travel, womanize
Ever since I was wee-lad I loved a good scar. I guess everyone has their little fetishes in life; for me it’s scars. To a certain degree they symbolize the beauty and perfection of the human body. The more strain and pressure that the human body endures, the stronger and more durable it becomes; a feat no man made machine will ever accomplish. It is a marvel to me that a broken bone heals stronger; a gash in the skin becomes tougher; and that the only way to strengthen a muscle is to tear away at it with exercise. I have definitely had my share of scars in life, and they all have a story to be told: stories of pain, tears, defeat, endurance, pleasure and victory. I found a beautiful quote in Paulo Coelho’s book Warrior of the light; a quote by John Bunyan which explained to me perfectly why I love for scars. “Although I have been through all that I have, I do not regret the many hardships I met, because it was they who brought me to the place I wished to reach. Now all I have is this sword and I give it to whoever wishes to continue his pilgrimage. I carry with me the marks and scars of battles-they are the witnesses of what I suffered and the rewards of what I conquered. These are the beloved marks and scars that will open the gates of Paradise to me. There was a time when I used to listen to tales of bravery. There was a time when I lived only because I needed to live. But now I live because I am a Warrior and because I wish one day to be in the company of Him for whom I have fought so hard” By John Bunyan These four photos were taken form my trip to Costa Rica. The first two are from surfing, the rookie surfer in front of me didn’t properly hold on to his Long-board while trying battle through the oncoming waves. The board shot up in the air six feet before crashing down on me from above. Luckily, I saw it just in time to put my arm up and block it. The pain was excruciating; I sat on my board for a half hour with my arm completely numb contemplating whether or not to keep surfing. The old football saying that, “pain is temporary and pride is forever”, kept me surfing the rest of the day. The third photo is from my drunken exit of a still moving cab to escape what I thought was a potential kidnapping. The fourth and final picture is from one very aggressive spider that must have loved the taste of Guaro (moonshine) in my blood one night; he proceeded to bite me over 50 times while I was passed out. One of my friends joked that it looked a bit of like leprosy. This all occurred in my first week in Tamarindo.
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Tags: , beauty, bones, broken, conquered, gash, hardships, john Bunyan, pain, Paulo Coelho, pictures, quote, quotes, scars, spider bite, story, suffered, surf, surfing, victory, warrior, warrior Manuel of light
What is a vacation or journey without a little fleeting love for the soul? For me, it would be a disappointing and devastating one. Granted, I don’t consider myself a pro or expert on the subject, but I do find what I’m looking for each and every time I hit the road. So I thought perhaps I could suggest a little guide to help those poor souls that travel far and wide and never embrace the beauty of the opposite sex. So let’s begin… Rule #1) Forget the past. I have never met anyone who can truly live there, so don’t try. Flush away all the past disappointments and defeats today; begin a new chapter in your life. We’ll call this chapter Today, here, and now, and we won’t quit till the job is done. Boys remember that every woman want to find romance; and Girls, well it will probably be the nervous guy without any approach style or confidence that appreciates you the most; so be nice. The first thing you need to do is make a commitment to the cause. I don’t care if you’re the shyest person in the world, because there is someone just as shy as you waiting for you on this planet. The only way to find this person is to look for them, and say hello. That’s it, just say hi. Don’t sit there and worry about what to say or do in future, because you can’t live there either. You’ll probably end up wasting time and psyching yourself out of the duty at hand. The moment you see someone you’re attracted to, forget everything and just walk up and say hi. It’s that simple. And for heaven sakes, Forget about pick up lines, pick up lines are for losers, real men and women of substance simply engage in conversation. So embrace the moment and go for it; remembering this golden rule that was passed on to me be one of my college buddies we called Chops. “It is our job to ask and their job to say yes or no, and if you’re not getting laid it’s simply because you’re not getting shot down enough.” Given the choice of having to get rejected ten times to find some fleeting romance, what would you do? Take my advice and just do it, because the juice is worth the squeeze. And when it does happen, the last thing you will be thinking about is all the prior rejections it took to get there. You’ll taste the sweet nectar of passion and be entranced in the present moment; this I promise. The first girl I was able to hook up with in Costa Rica was completely random. She was sitting on the beach in her little cute surfer gear. I had no intention trying to pick her up; I just wanted to know how the waves were today. So I went up to her without any hidden agenda, which is always good because it sets the other person at ease right away, and simply asked her a question. We got into a quick chat about nothing all that important, and later that night I saw her at the bar; from there no additional effort was required. She felt immediately comfortable with me like we were already friends; I leave the rest up to your imagination. Rule #2) Just ask; ask anything all the time. The more people you encounter and talk with on the road; the greater your chances. Don’t just focus on the nightlife. During the day is just as good a time as any, usually it’s even better. People tend to have their sexual guard up more during the twilight hours, so use the daytime to meet as many potential mates as you can. If you chat or share a laugh with someone during the day, when you see them out again, they will be open to you in a different and friendly way. So to speak, half the battle is already done, you have taken down their guard. The rule to live by is this; ask simple questions you know they will be able to answer. “What time is it?”, “Do you know this place?” Etc. This will start the ball rolling. Follow this question up with a more personal one that you say with enthusiasm, like “Oh where are you from” “Do you travel much?” etc, etc. Follow these two questions up with a little personal information of your own that is interesting and you think they will be able relate to or find common ground with. And so now your half way home; and ready to hit it out of the park. Rule #3) Be cute, genuine and convincing. Take your cues from the great actors and actresses of the day. Give a genuine smile, make tons of sweet eye contact, laugh at all their jokes and bat your eyes whenever possible. Everyone has a story to tell; so tell it. In my studies of psychology, it’s a proven fact that the best way to build rapport with someone is to share your true self. Try to think of the funniest stories you have to tell, and your coolest moments, we all have a couple; and share them. If you can’t relate to this and you’re a complete geek or nerd, maybe telling a story about one of your coolest friends and making it your own is a good idea. I don’t suggest lying; but if all else fails and desperation creeps in; do whatever it takes. No man or women should be without love or romance in their life; it simply makes the world a better place to live in. Usually, travel romances are short term; so you can apply this tip if absolutely necessary, but definitely try to avoid it if there is the possibly of anything long term. All lies are eventually uncovered, so try your best to be a genuine person. Rule 4) Don’t say it; just suggest it in the most round about way possible. Everyone knows what “let’s go back to my place for a drink” means, or better yet “Let’s go to the beach and sit under the stars”. If you don’t know what I’m talking about here, then there may be no help for you; considering a monastic life might just be the right choice for you. Simply put, never try to close the deal until late in the fourth quarter. If it takes all the way until the morning, then so be it. Nobody wants anymore pressure then they already have in life and everyone wants to keep their op-out options available. So again, just say hi, be cute, be open, be suggestive, and attempt to get secluded. Rule 5) It’s the bottom of the ninth and the bases are loaded; it’s time hit it out of the park. So here is how to do it. To start with, you will need that moment when your eyes connect and there is no need for words. Don’t rush this moment, let it linger as if you’re looking into the eyes of your true long lost love. Next, pretend it’s the last kiss you might ever give in your entire life, the kiss a soldier or nurse gives to their love before going off to the war. A soft slow passionate kiss will never do you wrong. Forget sloppy tonsil hockey, sucking or biting until the third or fourth kiss. A first kiss will tell you almost everything you need to know, so go slow and don’t rush it. Make believe it was the best kiss of your life; even if they completely suck. From this point on just be as romantic and endearing as possible, and you might just get lucky. My last piece of advice is this. If the new found love in your life won’t go all the way, make the suggestion that you give them an orgasm any way they would like. Once someone has had one, they always eventually want another. If you give them one orgasm by whatever means possible, you will get sweet sex eventually, it’s just a matter of time; so remember rules # 4 and 5 in the morning they may just pay off with a grand slam. Stay tuned on this channel for the upcoming article on advanced techniques on fleeting love and romance on the road. If you have found this information useful drop me a comment below. P.S. If you’re still having problems then watch the movies Swingers and Roger Dodger until you know them by heart. They’re the bible when if comes to game of seduction.
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Tags: , ask, attaining, Boy meets Girl, boys, cute, eye contact, find love, fleeting, genuine, get laid, girls, guide, guides, how to, love, lovers, nightlife, on the road, orgasm, orgasms, passion, pick up lines, questions, romance, sex, sexual experience, suggestive, tips, travel, vacation
So what is Guaro you ask? It’s a common myth that Costa Rica doesn’t have a national drink. In a nation of drinkers as prevalent as this one: of course there had to be a national drink, and what better then local moonshine dressed up in a respectable bottle and sold everywhere.
Costa Ricans love their booze as much as anyone; historically more then most. I tried to find some related statistics to share with you, but my research came up empty. I can tell you that I met many Costa Ricans or Ticos (as they like to be called), during my stay, and they all had the same thing to say when it came to alcohol. “Tico’s love to drink; love it.” Well, I guess that will have to do.
Many travelers and Tico’s won’t touch the stuff. Bollocks I say! I loved it. Here is how to enjoy it, and get Guaro-oed like we say at the Botella de Leche; the finest hostel in C.R. Straight up it tastes like a mild ouzo with a rubbing alcohol finish. For shots, definitely chill it and add some fresh squeezed limes to the shaker; refreshing and cheap. For cocktails, any juice will do; but a lemon lime juice is the best complement to this moonshine liquor. Like all moonshines, the effects on the body and mind are like a hot knife through butter; so take it easy at first. It also tends to linger longer in the system then most other boozes. I can tell you on many occasions in the morning while trying to get up early to make high tide; I was defiantly still Guaro-oed. Dizziness and wrenching headache had me climb right back into bed and try again tomorrow; both the surfing and Guaro. On my third night out in Tamarindo, we had a good group of travelers from the hostel hit the town together. The idea of doing some shots eventually surfaced; later reports indicating I was the culprit. So when we asked the bartender what the cheapest shots were; the bartender said with a knowing smile: “Guaro of course, it’s the national drink of Costa Rica”. Perfect. As first time Guaro drinkers, soon to be experts, we did them straight up; no ice or limes, in Dixie cups that were three quarters full. They were a thousand Colones each (two dollars), looking at the shear monstrosity of the shots in front of us; we thought it was a superb value and the next best thing to sliced bread. What ensued was shear drunken madness. I won’t attempt to describe it; partially because I don’t remember shit about it. I will tell you we did have a great night and Guaro became a short of local legend and tradition at the hostel. The night finished with Kalen and I, my new obliterated buddy, in a heated debate over the book The Power of Now. It almost ended badly until we both realized what belligerent fools we were when the sun started to rise. I got a funny facebook message a month later from Kalen that made me laugh my ass off. “I just wanted to inform you that I’m currently reading the Power of Now. hahaha, hope all is well dude, see ya again sometime soon!” Apparently on Guaro, Kalen was able to passionately debate the book without ever reading it. LOL Cheers buddy and Pura Vida forever. On Guaro the all knowing Wikipedia had this to say. “It is a clear liquor made from sugar cane, and therefore has a slightly sweeter taste than comparable liquors. Guaro is a popular alcoholic drink in Costa Rica, although in many places guaro can refer to almost any liquor. Guaro is made by a distillation process of sugarcane juices, resulting in an alcohol that is clear in color and has a slightly sweet flavor.Sometimes guaro is referred to as a “soft vodka” because it has a lower alcohol conte
