Two surfers are at getting ready to paddle out: Surfer one: “Hey, guess what! I got a new longboard for my wife!” Surfer two: “Great trade!!!!”                                                                          

4 guys are discussing how they get their wives to let them surf every Sunday morning. The first says “Every Saturday night I take my wife out to an expensive dinner”. The second says “Every Saturday I clean the house for my wife”. The third says “Every Saturday I let my wife go shopping and she can buy whatever she wants.” The fourth guy looks at the other three and just shakes his head. “You guys got it all wrong.” On Sunday morning I get up at 5:00am, shake my wife and say surfing or intercourse?                                                 

Moondoggie and three of his surfing buddies have gone surfing every Saturday for nearly thirty years. One Saturday, the guys are surfing near a highway when a funeral processional drives by. Well, Moondoggie lays down his pool, stands up on his board and places his hand over his heart. This processional is huge and takes nearly five minutes to pass. Once it passes, Kent sits down on his board and waits for the next wave. Needless to say his buddies are floored by his actions. One of ‘em finally speaks up and says, “that sure was a respectful thing you did there when they went by.” Kent replied, “It seems the least I could do seeing as how I’ve been married to the woman for over thirty years!”                                                                                                                                               

The best thing about surfing is that even though you’re scared enough to wet your pants, nobody notices. 

Reasons Why Surfboards Are Better Than the Opposite Sex…

Surfboards curves never sag.

Surfboards last longer.

Surfboards don’t get pregnant.

You can ride a Surfboards any time of the month.

Surfboards don’t have in-laws.

Surfboards don’t care about how many other surfboards you have ridden.

Surfboards don’t care about how many other surfboards you have.

Boats don’t mind if you look at other surfboards, or if you buy surfboard magazines.

If you say bad things to your surfboard, you don’t have to apologize before you can ride it again.

You can ride a surfboard as long as you want and it won’t get sore.

Surfboards don’t care if you are late.

You don’t have to take a shower before riding your surfboard.

You can’t get diseases from a surfboard you don’t know very well.

 Famous last words from Surfers

  What's the worst that could happen? 
  It doesn't look that big. 
  It's a little big for a beginner, but you'll do fine! 
  You catch this one, I'll be right behind you. 
  So this is how tow in surfing is done! 
  Let's both go, this wave is big enough for two people! 
  Let's see who can hold their breath the longest! 
 I'm a traditionalist, leashes are for wimps. 
 You mean you replace your leash every year? 
  Check this out, I'm gonna' take off fins first! 
  Let me have this wave, would you?  My girlfriend is watching from the beach. 
  It's safe to sleep in the beach; just like the old days. 

 Things You Always Wanted to Say to Another Surfer

• I want to send my condolences to your wife.  Every woman makes a mistake now and then.

• Thanks for wasting another wave. . . how many is that?

• Yes, you got 500 waves with your big board. . . now maybe you should try a turn or something.      

• What were you thinking when you bought a board with five fins?

• I saw you kook-out on that last wave— I’m just pretending like I didn’t see it out of courtesy.

 Why You’re Late Coming Home

•  I tried to make it on time, but the interviews took longer than expected.

Before Paddling Out

• Please don’t let the reporters know I’m here.  I hate when they follow me around.

• Is that Matt Ambrose?  I’ve gotta’ move North, he’s always bugging me for advice.

• If I don’t come back, you can have my dog.

• Alert the media, I’ll be at the Pier.

When Going for the Impossible Wave

• Hey, watch this!

• Banzai!

• If I don’t make it, you can have my lawn mower!

• Why am I doing this?

After a Great Wipeout

• Damn, I hate it when the seals grab your leash.

• Please help me kill the witnesses.

• Is it your first day too?

• Did I at least get a 10 for artistic expression?

• I knew I shouldn’t have had group sex last night.

  After a Good Wave

• Now that I’ve shown you how, its your turn.

• Please, no autographs in the line up.

• Must of fired some 20 year old neurons.

• Do you suppose I’ll be able to do that again in my lifetime?

• What happened there? 

• Sure glad I had my Viagra last night.

• If someone got my picture, I’m quitting surfing while I’m ahead.

 When the Surf is Horrible 

• Let me ask you. . . Why?

• Is there a reason we’re out here?

• This is desperation surfing.

• Is it still considered surfing when you don’t catch any waves?

• You know, golf sounds pretty good right now.

• I left a wife and a warm bed for this?

• Just shoot me and get it over with.

 When You Drop in On Your Bro’

• If you can’t drop in on your friends, who can you drop in on?

• That’s a payback for 1992 when you dropped in on me.

http://www.surfhumor.com/One%20Liners.htm 

http://www.isurfing.com/surfing_jokes_surfer_humor.html